Feeling Adventurous

If I ever feel adventurous enough, I will tell him. I will tell him that I like him- not as a friend only, but as more than friends. But not now, because I am not feeling anywhere near adventurous. In fact I am tired, a bit like a deflated balloon. 


The Christmas season is definitely joyous yet it is also stressful. All the gifts and food that needs to be prepared. And prepared in the particularly Christmas-y way too. But I guess you only get to spend Christmas once every year. Nonetheless, I've become quite a cynic about Christmas and find all this festivity just... boring and plain. It's not really worth the celebration. People celebrate for the sake of celebrating. But for people like me with no religious tendencies, Christmas just seems like any other day. Oh well, maybe I'm just tired from baking too many cookies last night. If anything, Christmas has forced me to bake more which is one of my goals for the coming year. To become better friends with my oven. And to become more patient. 


Yes- so I guess I need to thank Christmas after all.

Food

For the past 2-3 days I've struggled to keep my junk-food-stuffing-my-face syndrome in check. Partly emotions, partly boredom- that have led to my pigging out. It SUCKS. And I hate myself for it. Why? It's not just the consequences of gaining weight (weight that is unnecessary as I am really weight-y enough) but also it shows how I lack SELF-CONTROL. I've been wanting to take control since- well forever. Not just food-wise but also emotions-wise and concentration-wise and whatever-wise.


Control and Balance. And where should I start to train myself in those areas? 


Food.


That is my starting point and I know it. The pattern goes like this. I wake up thinking about food. So I think about what healthy breakfast I'll have. I go and make my healthy breakfast, typically a muesli with yoghurt, or bread with healthy spreads etc. And I thoroughly enjoy it. On days (like holidays) when I have nothing to do and sit at home, my eyes will be staring at the computer screen and my brain will be thinking about all that sugary food in the pantry- chocolate, biscuits, cookies, lollies, you name it. And I will start to think- why not? It's just one piece of chocolate, it will not hurt me. But deep down I KNOW how guilty I would feel once I start. And unfortunately, due to the lack of self control, I will not be able to STOP once I start. 


I see this as a battle. A battle of self control, cravings, discipline, balance, concentration, wellbeing. And it is somewhat comforting to know that there are people out there fighting the same battle as myself. I like how Penelope puts her ultimate goal into an overall feel-good factor. The bigger picture- self confidence in oneself. And I thank her for introducing me to DBT (check out her example or link she's provided). That is exactly what I need.

I want to be determined, disciplined, and have control. If I set my mind to go to the gym everyday- I can set my mind to consume less JUNK.

NOW

Now.

I've been meaning to start a blog for a long time. A serious blog. Not just any blog where I ramble and have a whinge about my life. So I start now. And from now, I will stick with it.

Finding a topic is the most difficult. It is because of the lack of a focused topic idea that has always led to my failure with starting a serious blog. Because, I mean, no serious blog has no serious topic right? So what now? I still don't have a topic for this blog. And hell, it really doesn't matter anymore because I think eventually I'll find it.

For now, I just want to keep track of what goes on with me and with stuff around me; what I see and hear; what I think of those things, how I feel etc.

Yeah, for now, I just want to blog. About anything. Because there are many things I want to say.