Wednesday, December 22, 2010


For the past 2-3 days I've struggled to keep my junk-food-stuffing-my-face syndrome in check. Partly emotions, partly boredom- that have led to my pigging out. It SUCKS. And I hate myself for it. Why? It's not just the consequences of gaining weight (weight that is unnecessary as I am really weight-y enough) but also it shows how I lack SELF-CONTROL. I've been wanting to take control since- well forever. Not just food-wise but also emotions-wise and concentration-wise and whatever-wise.

Control and Balance. And where should I start to train myself in those areas? 


That is my starting point and I know it. The pattern goes like this. I wake up thinking about food. So I think about what healthy breakfast I'll have. I go and make my healthy breakfast, typically a muesli with yoghurt, or bread with healthy spreads etc. And I thoroughly enjoy it. On days (like holidays) when I have nothing to do and sit at home, my eyes will be staring at the computer screen and my brain will be thinking about all that sugary food in the pantry- chocolate, biscuits, cookies, lollies, you name it. And I will start to think- why not? It's just one piece of chocolate, it will not hurt me. But deep down I KNOW how guilty I would feel once I start. And unfortunately, due to the lack of self control, I will not be able to STOP once I start. 

I see this as a battle. A battle of self control, cravings, discipline, balance, concentration, wellbeing. And it is somewhat comforting to know that there are people out there fighting the same battle as myself. I like how Penelope puts her ultimate goal into an overall feel-good factor. The bigger picture- self confidence in oneself. And I thank her for introducing me to DBT (check out her example or link she's provided). That is exactly what I need.

I want to be determined, disciplined, and have control. If I set my mind to go to the gym everyday- I can set my mind to consume less JUNK.

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